Snapshots: My Memory Album

(See also: Why I Share: Is it Worth it?)

I can’t even begin to explain in a single sentence of why writing about my life is difficult. The “why” is complicated and messy and the reasons overlap in my mind until it’s just a muddled mess. And unless you are one of the few people who understand the sort of life I’ve lived, I might not be able to express the “why this is hard” in adequate enough words to help you understand.

Yet . . . here we are.

Me, writing. And you, reading.

So hello.

Thank you for being here.

What follows are “snapshots” of my life, written in a style that I guess you could call a “journaling” style. I share each part of my life as I feel comfortable sharing, so they probably won’t end up being in chronological order, necessarily.

As I process my memories and write them down, I may come across new information that gives me a more complete perspective; therefore, I may give minor updates to the necessary pages to reflect the new information.

Please Note: I try my best to not be too graphic in describing my past; however, if you are a survivor of abuse or mind-control programming, it may not be best to read the following material unless you are in a stable place, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Only you are best able to judge if you are in a good place, so please be judicious when reading the chapters of my bio and pay attention to how you feel when reading. If you begin to feel triggered for any reason and at any time, please stop reading and tend to your immediate needs.

❤  Loren Grace

P.S. When I originally shared some of my testimony, I used pseudonyms when referring to other people. I will again, where I’m uncomfortable naming names, but at other times, I will now use the real names of some of the people who were involved in my life.

Click on the photo to read.

Before commenting, please read my comment policy.


  1. You have a great way with words. Always awesome to read your writing. Thanks for sharing, and God Bless You for the courage to do so. Bringing much needed light to this world.


  2. I just finished reading your Snapshot #6: A Blood Contract. I am blown away by all that you wrote in #6. Much of what you wrote in the first half happened to my first wife. She passed away in 2004 from a long term illness but she did get saved before she died. We were married for 33 years and when you are with someone that long you begin to learn things. She was a very good person and a good wife and mother. What I mean is I know that much of what you describe in the first half of #6 happened to her. She had totally disassociated herself from it. I learned that too. How did I know anything about what happened to her at all? I could tell by things that happened in my own family when I was between about 4 to age 17. I remember. If you read the comments I made on your Snapshot #10, that will explain, in part. There is so much I would like to tell, but the details are just too personal to put in a public forum.
    What really blew me away was all you wrote in #6 about “Breaking the Contract,” and “The Biblical Solution.” I have never read or heard words like what you wrote before. These things you have written are exactly what I need to do! Thank you! It is so simple! For many, many years I have been on a road of back breaking complexity, trying so hard to be free from the evil bondage that has been heavily loaded on me all of my life. I am 73. When I read what you wrote, the lightbulbs came on! I get it! I have asked many other Christians, including several pastors, for help. Most of what I got always led to a complex arduous road of defeat, much of what you experienced with Duval, I think. I can now see exactly what was wrong with all of the so called “solutions” given by others. It was always some form of having to please an “angry God.” That is always what I was left with. I have learned, almost instantly, from what you wrote, that it is not like that at all. I really can see it. God loves me. I can go to Him by way of Jesus Christ, Who shed His blood for me, and God wants to help me! I will digest thoroughly what you have written and do it. Thank you so much. You have helped me more than I can describe in words.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Blessings my sister Loren
    I have a question that I want to ask you, and this is for a specific reason. I myself was not raised in a church. But, I remember that you shared being raised in the U.P. C. And, the Holy Spirit beginning to cement the memories and fragments of these things together. He is bringing more pieces together in my life. I am very thankful!
    My question is this: Is the U.P.C. itself a front for Luceferians and the worship of Lucifer; or, did your family just happen to be part of this denomination, yet not serve Jesus Christ, but Lucifer?
    This is only important to me with regard to a sister, who also had such affiliation, and now remembers her father ( who is no longer alive), engaging in occult practices, and her mother also being very abusive.
    Our Heavenly Father has freed. And is continuing to free her, just as he is freeing all who turn to him.
    She was with me tonight, as the Holy Spirit began to restore these memories to her.
    I pray for you always and for Carolyn also. I am also facing some health issues. I have been blessed with wonderful doctors, who are running tests to find a solution. I pray for our Father’s wisdom to me and to them. Thank- you for your obedience, and for being a faithful servant of Jesus Christ.
    Great Peace by the Prince of peace!
    Your Sister.


    • Hi Cindy,

      I wrote response, and then I guess I hit the wrong button because it disappeared! 😦 I hope I can remember at least most of I wrote… but here goes again.

      To quickly answer your question: the very existence of UPC/Apostolic churches are the result of the working of Satan to infiltrate and influence sound, Biblical teachings with occult doctrine, and specifically with the UPC/Apostolic churches, this was/is accomplished through the charismatic movement. (And in spite of the lies that some have been told in the UPC/Apostolic churches, the charismatic movement very much includes UPC/Apostolic churches!)

      My own experiences testify to this as being true, but this is also a historic fact.

      Here is a link to read a paper that documents this historic fact:

      And here’s another one, although some of the practices detailed in this paper are geared more towards the modern-day charismatic movement that the average UPC/Apostolic congregant wouldn’t necessarily be able to relate to:

      This is not to say that every one who attends these churches are conscious occult infiltrators. Some undoubtedly are, but many may not be. Many may be like I was: born and raised into a particular religious environment that they have been brainwashed into believing is truth, and they may sincerely love God and want to be led by His Spirit.

      Also undoubtedly, however, such people who truly love God will be led by His Spirit to leave those apostate churches…! Even though leaving is a long hard road, it’s something that must be done. True, though, many leave out of overwhelming pain and anger (understandably so…!), and so turn their back on God, which is heart-breaking to me. 😦 All I can do is I pray that they will allow the Spirit of God to bring them healing, understanding of His Word, peace, and freedom.

      As far as my family goes: I just want to make sure I’ve been clear in my writings.

      In looking back over the period of time when my stepfather was raising me (my mother’s second husband, not her third), I realize now that he was a Satanist (not a Luciferian, as you suggested), although his cover was being a “good Pentecostal/Apostolic man,” I’ve written plenty about this, including the interactions I had with particular Satanists because of and through him (men that I will not publicly name) … and, sadly enough, because of and through my mother as well… so I won’t reiterate what I’ve already written.

      My mother, on the other hand, has never called herself a Luciferian that I can recall.. and I would be surprised if she admitted to it now. However, from what she has shared with me, she holds to Luciferian beliefs, as I have detailed in my writings. From the little I know of my family history, my great-grandmother on my mother’s father’s side was Luciferian (by whatever name she called herself…), and she raised her children in this fashion (although I’m not sure the direction they all eventually went). So I can assume that, even though my mother was raised in the Apostolic church she attended with her mother, that perhaps my mother was influenced by her grandmother (her father’s mother, who was blatantly Luciferian), but I can’t be completely sure of how my mother was influenced by Luciferian doctrine, because that’s outside of my scope of knowledge.

      So… I’m not sure what prompted my maternal grandmother’s decision to begin attending the Apostolic church, and to thusly raise my mother in such an environment; and I’m not sure what it was exactly that caused my mother to accept Luciferian doctrine over Biblical doctrine; and I’m not sure why my satanist stepfather chose that particular Pentecostal/Apostolic church as his home base; but the fact remains that they did.

      I will pray for your sister and for your health. ❤

      Blessings and love,
      Loren ❤

      P.S. I say "UPC/Apostolic" because I was born into the Apostolic sect and then we gradually moved towards UPC, so I usually lump the two together. But although they are both "Pentecostal" churches, there is a difference between UPC churches and Apostolic churches. Growing up, we liked to joke that the Apostolics were the "more holy" of the Pentecostals… but at any rate, from my experiences in both sects, the Apostolics were more fundamental to the Pentecostal beliefs and standards, and the beliefs and standards of the UPC were a little looser. But they are two branches on the same limb on the tree of charismatic occultism. So I just want to make sure this is clear.


      • Thanks Loren. This is what I also believed to be true, but you know more about it, because you were raised in it. My sister in Christ is saved and serving Jesus, and being set free and restored, as we are. This is what brought it to light. We have been friends for awhile. After I heard your testimony, and learned that she had also been raised in the U.PC. I asked her at one point whether she was born again, why she believed she was saved, etc. I ended up praying with her and she has been coming to bible study and getting together since.
        Last night, the Holy Spirit brought to her mind that her father had practiced the occult. I do not know what branch or degree. This is what reminded me of you, your affiliation with the U.P C. So it is for that reason that I asked the question that I asked. Thank- you for your reply. I apologize for getting part of your story wrong, and saying that your stepfather was a luciferian when he was a satanist. These are different. Forgive me. The Lord is still healing, restoring and cementing me back together.
        There are still many holes in my life, but the One and Only True God, in our Heavenly Father, or Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, is faithful!
        I appreciate you so much!
        The Holy Spirit has used you and Carolyn both to take the blinders off, and to remind me of some of the pieces of programming that I also endured.
        Blessings and Perfect Peace.


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