The Joys of Facebook

Ahh… Isn’t Facebook fun? It’s a joyful experience to log on during the day to see what’s going on in my little splice of internet land, and I look forward to the many peaceful interactions with lovely, Christ-filled people.

🙄

😂

Okay, sarcasm aside, after some thought over the past few weeks, and in spite of a few negative interactions here and there (negative interactions I’ve learned to mitigate by keeping my friend’s list small, by the way…), I have decided that in lieu of having a public Facebook page to publicize this blog, as I had before, I will instead open up my personal Facebook page to public followers, so for those who are interested, here is the link to my personal Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/crownedwithgrace 

I may change my mind later, who knows, but I’m just trying to figure out what works best for me, so I hope y’all can bear with me as I figure it out.

😃

This decision comes with a little story, however, to illustrate to those of you who may decide to follow my public posts exactly what interactions I will discourage and what interactions I prefer to have.

I also share this story with a preemptive “Setting the Record Straight” type of mindset, because I know, from many unfortunate personal experiences, that sometimes even the people we least expect can be unscrupulous, and get a kick out of capitalizing on the honest mistakes of others.

And so I am putting it all out there with this blog post, so the truth comes out before the gossipers start circulating their lies.

First I’d like to say that I prefer to have interactions with Christians — CHRIST-LIKE Christians, at that, but more on what I mean about that in a moment.

And “trolls” need not apply.

As if that’s ever stopped them in the first place… lol

😁

So anyway…

I have two Facebook pages: my personal page and the public page, “Carolyn and Loren,” that I share with Carolyn, and the two pages serve two very different purposes.

One — the public page I share with Carolyn — is primarily to share articles from our websites, sometimes articles written by others, encouraging memes, Scripture, etc. Carolyn doesn’t really enjoy keeping up with social media at this point, so it’s usually just me who does the posting right now, although sometimes Carolyn will come on as well.

My other page — my personal page — that I’ve had for about two-and-a-half years now, has been to connect with family and a few personal friends, and on it, I follow several cooking blogs, some homesteading bloggers, a sewing blogger (because I like to sew), etc., and recovery pages for childhood abuse survivors and pages for victims of narcissists. So on my personal page, I might share recipes, articles about homesteading, links to interesting articles, links to homemade products, inspirational or educational memes about overcoming abuse, etc., not to mention the occasional funny meme or cute animal video.

Up until now, most everything I have shared on my personal Facebook page has been private (for my friend’s list only, in other words), and I’ve never publicly shared my own blog articles on my personal page, nor articles from my website with Carolyn, mostly because I’ve been trying to avoid grabbing the attention of family I’d rather not have the attention of.

But I’ve decided to not worry about that any longer. Most of the time I don’t use real names when writing my bio, anyway — actually, I don’t even use my birth name, because I changed my name 😃 — so if my family realizes one day in the future that I’ve included them when writing my bio (which is doubtful… but possible), and if they decide to make a public stink about it, they’ll be the one’s outing themselves… not me.

Now, on the public “Carolyn and Loren” page, if I share memes, quotes, articles from other people, or the like, I try to do my due diligence to research what I am planning on sharing, because neither Carolyn nor I want to accidentally steer people in the wrong direction.

On my private page, however, I haven’t researched the memes or quotes I have privately shared up until now, because: a) I haven’t shared very much, relatively speaking; b) what I have shared isn’t usually “research-worthy” (in my opinion, anyway); and, c) because my friend’s list now consists of very few people, specifically: two of my close family members, Carolyn, and now a couple of others, including my good friend Pam.

Over the past two-and-a-half years, I have had several other Facebook “friends” here and there (and by “several,” I mean “less than a dozen”), both of my husband’s family as well as my own acquaintances, but I eventually unfriended, mainly because I chose to focus on my healing and some people were antithetical to that process, either purposefully or accidentally.

Not all. Just some.

For instance, I unfriended some because I didn’t feel safe being “myselves” around them, and I got tired of either being unfairly judged or ignored (which was just as bad as being unfairly judged) if, for example, I expressed in whatever way, whether via a random meme or via an outright statement, that I was struggling that day. Or, when I expressed my (dissenting) opinion about one thing or another. Or, when I attempted to share about myself with family, and either got ignored or told to be quiet, in so many words.

Others I unfriended simply because there was no interaction whatsoever, and when I make an effort to connect with people and am met with silence and no reaction (unless I’m fluffing their egos…), I have a big problem with that. So rather than continue to get my feelings hurt, I simply chose to unfriend. (They probably didn’t even notice. lol)

I’d rather have five friends that I can talk with, than have five hundred people who claim to be my “friends,” yet can’t take the time to have even the shortest of conversations with me.

That’s just me, and not everyone feels the way I feel, and that’s okay. But I won’t keep a “friend” on Facebook if… well, if they won’t with talk me. What’s the point of that?

At any rate, having such a small and intimate friend’s list has made it easy enough for me to share whatever I want on my personal page without fear of judgement and without having to spend hours researching before I share an article or a meme or a quote that speaks to me at that moment… because my friend’s list may be small, but they “get me.”

They don’t miss the forest for the trees.

In other words, they understand the spirit of the message without nit-picking every detail.

They don’t jump to conclusions and misjudge me, but instead hear the matter out before offering their judgement or opinion.

As Christians, we should all strive to be this way towards one another, and thank God for Godly friends who, through their example, have taught me this.


Fast forward.

Since the Spirit of God has done a HUGE healing work in me (not that I’m finished, by any stretch! but I’ve come a long, long way), and since my triggers have gotten to a point where they are manageable for the most part, given normal circumstances (although this might always be a life-long struggle for me, and I recognize this), I decided that I would open my friend’s list, and my heart, to a couple of women who have recently expressed the desire to be connected on Facebook.

I went through my entire timeline first to check it out, however, because sometimes when I have gotten triggered in the past, I have switched and shared or said things that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. Not necessarily ugly things, although that has happened before, I’m embarrassed to say, when I was going through the programming of Dan Duval’s so-called “counseling,” but that was years ago…. But I was just looking for things that would maybe embarrass me later. You know, things like private thoughts that are best for diaries only: those ruminations we wouldn’t dare say out loud for fear of being misunderstood, misjudged, ridiculed, and ultimately rejected. Or a funny, perhaps borderline-irreverent meme that perfectly fit my mood — whichever “my” I happened to be at that time. Or, since “naughty words” don’t bother me as much as some feel they should, perhaps a quote from someone that had a naughty word in it, something I wouldn’t normally share, much less share for all to see.

But in perusing my entire timeline, I found only one naughty-word meme I had shared quite some time back, and of all the things I had shared before — both of personal blog articles or reflective posts when I was having a tough time and could have used encouragement but no one was there to encourage me because at that time, the only one who encouraged me was Carolyn, and she was going through cancer treatments during that period — that was the one and only post that one of my Christian “friends” decided to comment on, offended that I would share a meme with such a word, and was quick to remind me that it’s not Christian to say vulgar words.

Gee… thanks for finally noticing I actually exist and for taking the time out of your day to acknowledge me….

😒

🙄

But anyway, in perusing my timeline, things seemed pretty okay, aside from that one post I had previously shared that had a naughty word in it, and aside from a few songs I had shared when I had been feeling very triggered and upset, but the privacy on those posts were already set to “Only Me,” so there wasn’t any worry there. So I thought all was well, and that I was in no danger of accidentally offending anyone at all, so I “friended” the two women, one who I’ll call Tina (not her real name).

Everything was going well for the first few days, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself for handling my newly-expanded Facebook feed, and I even went out on a limb and “friended” one of Tina’s friends, who had requested friendship.

“Ohhh yeah,” I thought to myself. “I’ve got this whole Facebook-friendship thing down now, nooo problem.”

That feeling of self-satisfied accomplishment lasted for a few days, and then, around 9 PM one evening, Tina messaged me privately, giving me her telephone number and asking me to give her a call sometime so she could talk to me about her testimony.

I thought that was a little odd, particularly since I have already publicly expressed how I feel about giving out personal information, including telephone numbers, and how it is not something I will ever do (again), so it was a bit of a “red-flag” of warning for me.

But I don’t jump to conclusions based off of one red flag, and so I responded by telling her that I don’t give out my personal phone number, but that I would be willing to have an audio or video chat on Facebook one day when it was convenient for her.

She said that was fine, and we ended the conversation shortly thereafter.

A couple of hours later, right before I was ready to go to bed, Tina started commenting on a couple of memes I had shared on my personal timeline, starting with a meme that had a quote by Nikita Gill (← click on the link to see the meme) that I had shared nearly two years ago from a Facebook page for childhood abuse survivors.

(Note: the original meme was posted by a Facebook page called “Power of Positivity,” but I did not nor do I follow that page. I came across the meme because one of the abuse survivors pages I follow had shared it, and I shared it from there. If you don’t know how social media works, that probably makes no sense to you… lol)

So in response to this meme, Tina shared a picture of a graphic poem about witches, and said: “Humm … I’m wondering …”

And: “Loren Grace please expand on this..”

(For the sake of this blog post, here’s a link to the picture of the poem that Tina shared with me that day, but if you have any doubts about your state of mind or emotions, particularly if you are dissociative, then it may not be a good idea to follow the link and read the poem. Even now the poem is triggering to me, and it may be triggering for you, too, so please be cautious.)

The poem was immediately triggering to me, especially since it was so unexpected and I had no idea why she was posting it on my timeline. I began to have a anxiety attack, shaking, and barely able to focus on the words on the screen that had begun going blurry. I felt myself starting to dissociate, feeling the all-familiar balloon-headed feeling, a headache starting to blossom and wrap its tendrils tightly around my head.

All sorts of possible explanations were racing through my mind as to why Tina would do such a thing, and none of them were good… but I did my best to pull myself together and set aside those thoughts for a moment to get to the root of what appeared to be a problem.

While I was responding to Tina’s odd comments with, “😳 That’s awful…” and, “Why did you share that on my timeline? 😣 ” , Tina posted another comment on a silly meme I had shared nearly a year ago that had a funny caption and a picture of Jim Carrey to illustrate (← click on the link to see the meme).

(It wasn’t a quote by Carrey… it was just his goofy face to illustrate the funny caption.)

She asked, “Gosh have I been duped ?”

I managed to respond, “Duped by what?” to which she responded, “Loren Grace never mind I just was shocked … never really looked .”

“Shocked by what?” I asked, but she never responded, preferring instead to go back to the first meme she had commented on, and a long and unproductive “conversation” of sorts ensued.

At the end of the round-about “conversation” with Tina, after finally realizing that Nikita Gill was a new-ager, and someone I should not have been sharing a quote from, and in spite of apologizing to Tina three times for a) offending her; and for b) being ignorant and for not researching the quote before I posted it…

(I apologized even for my ignorance that had inadvertently caused Tina to be offended, as I try to remember to do to all I accidentally offend, because this is what Scripture teaches. See: Acts 24:16, 1 Corinthians 8:9, 1 Corinthians 10:32, 2 Corinthians 6:3, Hebrews 13:18, etc.)

… Tina finally said: “I find it strange your exposing witchcraft yes you can’t recognize a witch ?”

I was shocked and responded: “I didn’t know. I don’t know everyone. Thanks for letting me know tho. You should wirk on your delivery tho for the next time you come across someone who us ignorant of something”.

(yes my typos were pretty bad, but that was the best I could do considering how hard I was shaking and how hard I was fighting to stay in control of myself)

And then suddenly, I stopped switching back and forth between “in control me” and the others parts of me who wanted to hide himself under the table… or hide herself under the covers… or hit her head against the wall… or pull her hair and scream at herself for being so stupid…. or those other parts of me who had unexpectedly been reminded of where they had come from and were thinking it might be okay to reconsider picking up those other thoughts and desires that they had laid aside….

And suddenly, everything became clear.

All the little bits and pieces of the conversation with Tina and with what I knew about her up until that point fell into place, and I decided that I was at the end of my patience with her.

Throughout the course of our exchange, and in spite of my multiple apologies, Tina had been intent upon suggesting, without clear explanation as to why, that a) I had “duped” her; and b) I was a hypocrite… a fraud… a liar; and c) I was responsible for her being upset.

When she next suggested that we “take a break” because she was “truly upset” at the moment …

🙄

… I agreed with her that a “break” would be best and I ended our short-lived “friendship.”

A minute or so later, she messaged me privately, saying: “So it’s that quick ? I was going to take a moment to explain why …”

(I guess the half-hour-or-so worth of interaction with me up until that point in the evening, and me asking her several times to explain herself, and me apologizing three times for having been offensive to her, hadn’t been enough time for her to explain why…)

“… but I guess your to fragile . It’s ok may Jesus Christ be with you .”

Then she added: “I’m not judging you … far from it”.

🙄

To which I responded: “I deserve better [name redacted]. I don’t appreciate how you have treated me tonight. I was trying to be nice but you kept on. Sorry again for being offensive. And I’m sorry that I didn’t research the person on a meme before i posted it.”

And then I blocked her from messenger. I wanted no further interaction with her, whatsoever. I didn’t know but that something else in the future that I might post would upset her, and then, rather than ask me about it, she’d jump to false conclusions, start posting triggering pictures, ignore my apologies, and make more false accusations, hastily covering them in a “I’m not judging you” and “Jesus be with you” wrapping paper… and for why? As an attempt to excuse her rudeness and unfair judgments…?

Well, for those people who don’t understand, let me explain something: being rude, judgmental, mean, unkind, or whatever… and then following up with a “Jesus loves you” or “I’m saying this because I care” or any number of other eye-roll-worthy platitudes… is just as bad as being ugly to someone and then blaming them for being upset at your bad behavior.

Excuses and blame-shifting don’t make bad behavior okay. It makes it worse, because the person obviously KNOWS that their behavior is bad, because they are trying to cover it up, or trying shift the blame onto someone else. But rather than correct the bad behavior, they just try to dress it up in their best Sunday-go-to-church clothes to make it look good. Or try to shift the blame onto someone else to get off the hook for the fallout.

A simple and heartfelt “I apologize” is worlds better than excuses and blame-shifting.

So, no, I wanted no further interaction with her, and I still do not.

I forgive her. Compared to other abuses in my life, Tina’s short-lived offenses are barely a blip on the screen, so it’s certainly easily forgiven. But I do not wish to pursue a friendship with her any longer.

When people show me who they are, I believe them.

I didn’t used to. I used to make excuses for them, or blame myself for their bad behavior. But now I believe people when they show me who they are.

Now, it’s true that people can change, of course. If we allow the Spirit of God to work on our hearts, we are all capable of change. But if that happens, there will be fruit that is evident of the work of God within us. (See Matthew 3:8, Ephesians 5:8-9, Galatians 5:16-26, etc.)

And it’s also true that sometimes good people have bad days. We’re all human, after all. None of us are perfect, and God knows I have had plenty of bad days myself…. But when this happens, good people apologize for their bad behavior and ask the Spirit of God to change them moving forward into the future. We don’t excuse our bad behavior, or blame the other person for our bad behavior.

Tina showed me who she was that night, and since she did not apologize for jumping to conclusions and falsely accusing me (and if she wanted to apologize, it’s no secret how to get in touch with me), I believe what she showed me that evening. I hope that she grows and matures and bears good fruit — and if she seeks after a relationship with the Father, the Spirit of God will bear good fruit within her — but I have no desire to place myself in a position again to be treated in such a manner by someone who jumps to false judgement without hearing out the matter first, who refuses to accept apologies, and who is unapologetically rude.

I respect myself too much to put up with that sort of behavior, and I care too much about the eternal souls of others to enable that type of unreasonable behavior.

And for those who don’t understand why I say this, this is a Biblical principle spoken of all throughout Scripture, where we are admonished to encourage one another in Godliness, not to encourage one another in sinful behaviors.

Later that evening, as I was going to bed — well, really I went to bed in the wee hours of the next morning, because I had stayed up talking with my friend, Pam, about everything, who had been able to see the entire exchange between myself and Tina, and who had offered her own insights to the whole upsetting and unnecessary exchange — I prayed for Tina to be healed.

I also prayed for myself, too, asking God to calm the parts of me who were still very shaken, and once again submitting myself and every part of me to the Father and to His will.

The next day, in thinking back and in re-reading through all the comment threads, and after taking into consideration the things my husband, Pam, and Carolyn had to say about the whole thing, I was able to put into words everything that bothered me about the whole situation, and I realized a few things.

First, the horribly triggering poem that Tina had posted a picture of, was written by Nikita Gill, the new-ager, and the same woman who was quoted in the meme I had previously shared — but I hadn’t known this before, because I hadn’t researched the quote in the meme before I had posted it to my personal timeline.

Hence, Tina’s (perhaps understandable) shock.

And while I do understand Tina’s initial shock, her subsequent (and unapologetic) behavior towards me was not something I want to put up with. And I realized that I was okay with feeling that way.

Second, some people aren’t happy with a sincere apology over an unintentional offense.

Who knows why? Maybe they don’t believe it. Maybe they aren’t ready to accept it. Maybe they don’t want it. Who knows?

But that is a “them” problem, not a “me” problem. My job is to apologize when I have done something to offend or hurt someone, even if it is unintentional. The acceptance of that apology is up to the other person, and I finally came to the realization that I don’t have to fall over myself anymore, the way I used to do, trying to force someone to accept an apology that they aren’t ready to accept, or that they do not want to accept. If they continue to ignore my sincere apology, preferring to instead repeatedly bring up the offense that I’m apologizing for, I realized I don’t have to beat myself up for months on end about the situation. I can just move on, and that is perfectly acceptable.

(See also Proverbs 17:9.)

Third, by jumping to such awful (and incorrect) conclusions about me, Tina placed herself in a position to be incredibly offended over something that was a simple mistake. And then, in her imagined offense, went on to be ugly and offensive to me by falsely accusing me, suggesting that I was trying to dupe her and that I am a liar about who I am and what I do.

Being unfairly called a liar would piss off a lot of people, and unfortunately, I’m no exception. Maybe one day, when I’ve grown older and wiser, God willing, it won’t bother me.

I’ll be happy for that day if it ever comes.

But I’m not a dishonest person at all. I make mistakes sometimes, like we all do, but I’m not dishonest. And at this point in my life, being called a liar, whether directly or by suggestion, makes me angry, especially since I have been called a liar by incredibly abusive people throughout my lifetime, including Dan Duval as well as my own mother, as an attempt to cover up their abuses. And I will not put up with it any longer, especially by someone who wants to be my “friend.”

And I realized that having this as one of my boundaries is okay.

Now, sometimes the occasional stranger calls me a liar, yes… but trolls don’t really bother me that much. I confront them with their false accusations once, if I feel it’s necessary, and then I ignore them. But when people who claim to be a “friend” call me a liar… well, I refuse to be friends with people like that.

Related to this: after having been misjudged and treated poorly by my brother and his wife, and after being subjected to their lies about my character, calling me a racist (among other things), and refusing to have anything to do with me or my husband any longer… and all because I dared shared an opinion that they didn’t agree with, and then twisted my opinion around as if I has said one thing when it was actually just the opposite of what I was trying to say … I will not put up with being treated poorly any longer, so long as God grants me the ability to prevent such, whether I’m being treated poorly over an unintentional offensive… or over expressing my opinion about something… or over anything else.

I just won’t do it anymore. I respect myself too much now to put up with abusive and toxic behaviors, and I care too much about the eternal souls of others to enable them to be abusive or ugly towards me — especially self-proclaimed Christians.

And I realized that I’m comfortable and unapologetic over this boundary that I have set.

Fourth, after Tina accused me of being a liar and of duping her, she then did a little something narcissists are famous for: she gaslighted me and blame-shifted, suggesting that my reaction to her ugly behavior was not because of her ugly behavior, but because I was “fragile.”

Don’t get me wrong, please. I’m not suggesting Tina is a narcissist. I don’t know her well enough to say, nor am I qualified to give an educated opinion. She was certainly upset at seeing the old meme/s on my timeline, and in her emotional state, became irrational and accusatory towards me, and perhaps she is used to blaming others for their reactions to her bad behavior… but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a narc.

I see her more as someone who needs healing in her life, but right now is an individual who is so caught up in seeking out the latest conspiracy (which is a very stressful activity, and I know this from personal experiences…! ), that even when a new friend makes an honest mistake, she sees it as a type of “conspiracy” (so to speak) to “dupe her,” when nothing could be further from the truth.

That’s just how I see it, though.

Regardless, some of her behavior that night was certainly similar to that of a narcissist, and I realized that I probably dodged a bullet, in a manner of speaking, and felt thankful that she had shown me the truth about herself before too much more time had passed and I had spent too much emotional energy trying to build a friendship with someone who isn’t a good match for me (nor I for her, apparently).

Fifth, in spite of asking to be “friends” on Facebook nearly a year ago, and in spite of her suggesting or outright stating more than once that we had the “same testimony”, it dawned on me that during the course of our conversation, Tina had admitted to never having actually read my testimony at all.

Yet she wanted me to call her so she could tell me all about hers

🙄

So why did she think our testimonies are the same if she’s never read what my testimony actually is?

Regardless, not knowing much about me, she couldn’t possibly know that such a poem would likely be triggering to me and to the other parts of me.

(Although, after the conversation was over and the evening had ended, I was left wondering that, even if she had known, would she have even cared…? I’m not sure, but since everything’s been said and done, it’s a moot question anyway.)

And, not knowing much about me was perhaps one reason why she was so quick to jump to the wrong conclusion.

Although, that certainly doesn’t excuse her rush to judgement. It just gives a reason.

I also was wondering, since Tina didn’t know much about me, that perhaps she had come up with a completely different idea of who I am, perhaps placing me on some type of pedestal, oddly enough, so that when she came across something on my timeline that didn’t quite fit her idea of who she thought I am (and who I am is a human being who, like every other human being, sometimes makes honest mistakes…!), it was quite a shock… especially since that something was a quote from someone I shouldn’t have been quoting (but I didn’t realize that at the time I shared the quote, of course).

So then, why did Tina want a friendship with me, if she knew very little about me? She could just follow our Facebook page without a need to get any deeper.

Well, taking everything together — the past comments Tina has made on my previous public Facebook page (the one I shut down, since it was basically a copy of what was being shared on our Carolyn and Loren page) … the public posts I have seen here and there on Tina’s personal page for the past year or so … and taking into consideration a couple of things that happened right after I “friended” Tina on Facebook, including her request that I call her so she could tell me about her testimony — it seems clear to me, and to Carolyn and Pam as well, that Tina wanted to be “friends” with me so I could help her get her testimony out in a larger way than just using our comment form on the testimonial page on our website that is there for that purpose.

Am I wrong? Maybe. And if I’m right, Tina would probably deny it anyway, but that’s to be expected.

But this isn’t the first time I’ve come across this, only up until now, it’s been via email contact, not Facebook, and people have usually been a lot more transparent about what they wanted, but I recognize the signs, and it’s not too hard to see through Tina’s motivations.

But there’s nothing special about me. Certainly nothing special about my blog or about the blog I share with Carolyn. And no one is stopping Tina or anyone else from sharing their own testimony on their own, if that’s what they want to do.

WordPress offers free blog services where people can write to their heart’s content, but there are many other platforms that offer free blog space, too. People don’t need Carolyn or I to do so.

Facebook is free to use to publicize testimonies and websites, as are other social media accounts, like Twitter and Instagram, and it’s easy enough (and free) to make YouTube videos and post them to share their testimony, if that’s what they want to do. People don’t need Carolyn or I to do this for them.

And considering the sensational topics Tina likes to focus on and study, she would probably have no difficulty finding many thousands of people to follow her, and thereby build a substantially large platform. In fact, it probably wouldn’t take any time at all before she’d have several well-known (relatively speaking, of course) sensation-seeking “Christian” YouTubers scrambling to interview her for their shows, and then Tina’s full testimony would be out for all the online “Christian” charlatans and con artists to twist around and use for their own purposes.

In fact, Carolyn and I have a webpage full of the names of some of them that she might want to consider approaching, if that’s her goal.

And so if Tina wants to get her testimony out, there’s better ways than trying to use me to do it, because I have no connections to those people, and I have no desire to form them.

Or… there’s better ways than trying to use me to get to Carolyn, who does have those connections, and I have that itchy little feeling that’s what Tina’s desire for my “friendship” was all about.

Regardless, Carolyn repented of and broke all of her connections with those occult-minded people, and she has no desire to reconnect.

So the “Tina’s” of the world will have to find another way to go about getting their testimony out.

Finally, I realized I don’t want to be friends with Tina. And I realized that it’s okay for me to have my own taste in what sort of friends I prefer, and I realized that I don’t have to feel badly or apologetic about it.

I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t care to know anything about me, yet who want to tell me all about themselves… who jump to conclusions about who they presume me to be… who are friends with me because it’s “second best”…. who are just using me for what they can get out of the relationship.

I don’t want one-sided relationships. I’d rather have no relationships than have one-sided ones.

I don’t want a “friendship” where I’m always second-guessing myself.

Where I’m afraid to speak an opinion, much less a dissenting one, for fear of being misunderstood and declared anathema.

Where I’m afraid of sharing a joke or of saying a naughty word (or even just sharing a meme with a naughty word), for fear of it rousing the indignation of the self-righteous.

Where I’m afraid to express when I’m having a bad day, for fear of rattling the cages of the wanna-be internet therapists and stirring up the egos of the religious, who are quick to tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to do it right.

Where I’m afraid to make a mistake, for fear of being falsely accused and branded with untrue descriptions that ring shamefully in my head.

So I realized that I am not comfortable being friends with people who are rude… or who are quick to jump to untrue judgements… or who are always looking for mistakes… or who won’t accept apologies for an offense… or someone who simply isn’t a good fit me nor I for them!

And I realized that I am comfortable in setting boundaries with such people, and that I don’t have to allow silly accusations of being “fragile” to make me feel bad about my decision.

So, no, I won’t accept any more “Facebook friendships.” I’ve been burned for the last time now, and I’ve learned my lesson. The small handful of friends I have on Facebook are enough for me. 🙂

But if you are interested in following the public posts on my private page, then feel free to “follow me.”

Keeping in mind what I’ve shared in this blog post, however, please be aware of my boundaries:

  1. I prefer to interact with CHRIST-LIKE Christians, and I care too much about the eternal souls of others to enable abusive behavior from anyone — especially from self-proclaimed Christians. So please remember that:
    1. kindness is more attractive than ugliness;
    2. and self-righteousness is not a good look.
  2. I will not respond to private messages, and I will delete any friend requests.
  3. I want my page to be a safe place for abuse survivors, and I will do my best to not purposefully post triggering content. But I am not personally responsible for your triggers. Only you are. So please keep in mind your triggers, as well as your own emotional or mental state. If you find yourself being triggered, it may be best to put away the internet for a while until you are in a better place.
  4. Please remember that your comments on social media are not private, and will not be treated as confidential. If you have something confidential you’d like to share, please contact me via my contact form on this website.
  5. Trying to convince myself or others to abandon our Christian beliefs will not be tolerated.
  6. Meaningful dialogue for the purpose of understanding Biblical doctrine is okay. Arguing is not. (See point 1.)
  7. Meaningful dialogue for the purpose of understanding Biblical doctrine is okay. Purposefully and unapologetically glorifying, promoting, and/or excusing occultism (including the charismatic movement) and false doctrines will not be tolerated. This includes purposefully and unapologetically glorifying, promoting, and/or excusing occultists and those who teach false doctrines. (See point 1.)
  8. If you are offended by or disagree with something that is shared or said, or if you feel something has been shared or said that is not appropriate, then please feel free to explain in a Christian manner (see point 1), why you are offended or why you disagree, or to explain what is inappropriate. In some cases, however, it may be better to exercise the option to simply scroll past the post that you find offensive or disagreeable, and just ignore it. (See point 1-b.)
  9. I rarely share things with naughty words because I don’t like to be offensive to other people (see: Acts 24:16, 1 Corinthians 8:9, 1 Corinthians 10:32, 2 Corinthians 6:3, Hebrews 13:18, etc.); however, it may occasionally happen because, as a survivor of heinous abuses, I’m not one to get my knickers twisted over the occasional naughty word. I figure there are greater offenses or sins to be concerned over. So while I do find an overly foul mouth to be unattractive and unchristian (see: Matthew 12:34, Ephesians 4:29, Ephesians 5:4, Colossians 3:8, etc.), and probably indicative of a greater issue, the occasional expletive doesn’t usually bother me as long as it’s not being directed towards another person in an abusive manner. I do not find this to be against the spirit of what the Word of God teaches, but since this stance is offensive to some Christians, I’ve tried to change my mind — but I simply cannot, and I find Christians who get offended over the occasional naughty word to be much more offensive to me than the naughty word itself (see point 1-b). If my attitude towards naughty words is bothersome to you, perhaps my page isn’t the one you’d like to follow.
  10. I reserve the right to delete comments that I find to be triggering, offensive, rude, unkind, overly foul, or unnecessarily argumentative. People who repeatedly post such content will be blocked from my page. I believe in forgiveness, however, and in second chances when it’s appropriate, so if you are blocked and would like to apologize, feel free to contact me via my website, and I will unblock you if I feel comfortable doing so. You can then re-follow my page if you’d like.

Hopefully my Facebook page will be one of the bright spots in your life. Or, at least when you’re scrolling through your Facebook feed.

😃

Loren Grace

Before commenting, please read my comment policy.


One comment

  1. This post was and is a necessary part of growth, especially considering the frame of reference you come from. It is a very clear statement.

    Like

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