As bizarre and as unbelievable as it sounds, the first memory I have is right after I was born. It was either the day of my birth, or the day after. (I think it was the day after, but I could be wrong, of course.)
As a baby, my thoughts weren’t expressible in a logical pattern that could be easily described with spoken words; but as a baby, feeling was thinking, and my thoughts then, that as an adult I can now describe with words, were what I call “feeling-thoughts.”
I remember being jostled awake and carried into a different room that was darker than the room I had come from. I was placed upon a soft blanket on a hard surface, and then I looked up and saw a large circle with a smaller circle within it, and an even smaller circle within that. I didn’t know the names for the shapes, I just remember what it looked like, and feeling
that the shapes were interesting and peculiar and curious about the verbal expression there was to describe them.
Then there was a bright flash of light from the innermost circle that startled me and upset me.
I began to cry.
One of the lady nurses picked me up and comforted me. I could feel the kindness radiating from her.
Then my mother picked me up.
There was no kindness there, and I remember feeling
(feeling was thinking)
how sad I was because my mother didn’t love me.
Those were my first feeling-thoughts that I remember as my first baby picture was taken.
I don’t suppose that this remembering matters much at all in the grand scheme of my life, but in a way that is hard to adequately articulate, it matters very much to me. I was innocent at that time, and my feeling-thoughts were…
Read the rest: Snapshot #1: The Beginning
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